Wait on the Lord

   It is so amazing how God works in our lives, the everyday lives of each individual. I sometimes wonder about it and think 'how?' But we can not compare God to anything or anybody because he is all and all and everything. I feel so thankful that he cares for me. There have been so many little instances of him guiding and teaching me in my life. Times when what I wanted to happen or what I wanted did not come about though I had prayed 'ever so hard', and what God had planned all along for me was so much better than anything I had imagined. Even if it was not good from the worlds point of view, in every way it tuns out better for me and I end up happier than if I had got what I had wanted when I wanted it.

   That's another thing--waiting.

  'Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.' those words from Psalms I have often repeated to myself. They are so beautiful. Everything in God's time in beautiful, and full of joy, when the same thing in my time would have brought pleasure and something of satisfaction for a time but it is not lasting.

   There is me and horses for example: I had always wanted a horse of my own since I was about nine, I longed and dreamed and prayed for a horse of my own. My mother always understood my longing and taught me to wait, she often repeated that scripture that says all good things come to those who wait.

   And I waited--and I have a horse.

   Though for many years I was impatient at times with God for not giving me what I wanted, I waited and hoped and prayed, for I felt it meant allot to me. And as I look back on those years I am glad I never did get a horse until a year or two ago. For when I was younger I was less experienced with horses, and all the while I was waiting I worked one day a week at the riding center where I learnt everything I know of horses just about. Since I have had a horse I don't go there so often, and if I had got a horse many more years ago than I did, I would perhaps have stopped working at the riding center and consequently not know so well how to ride and look after my Tigger.

   And then, if not then why now, if not then why not later? Should it have been better for me not to have been so impatient to have a horse? Would things have tuned out better if I had not even not got a horse? If I hadn't I would still be going to work at the horse farm, and would be allot better rider than I am now. Indeed my whole life would be different! And when I think about it I am glad it turned out as it did. For by association I would have become like any other teenager at the riding center, I would have become a person that I feel thankful I have escaped being.

  My brother works at the riding center I learnt to ride at and when I look at him not I am so thankful I escaped the influence of the people. Oh, they are very nice people, very. But they are of the world while I strive only to be in it. They have all the worldly views that seem so vulgar to me because I am so sheltered; views like being 'in it to win it', and looking out for yourself, and where no one is liked for themselves but for how they make you feel and what they bring you. All those things which arise from natural human feelings but which are these days glorified and made right. They, the world, turn everything around so that good is bad and bad is good, or, in other words, so that there is no such thing as good or bad for they all mean the same thing.

   I makes me feel sick, it repulses me, so that I struggle with prejudice against people I think are just typical of the world and I don't give them personally a fair chance.

   But, to return to the original subject, I just feel so thankful that I am who I am. Why God made me who I am, why he is making me turn out so different from my brothers and sisters I do not know, but I know he has a path and a purpose for all of us, and mine is before me.